One year ago today, on June 3, 2018, my son Jackson passed away after 31 days of life. The following is an excerpt from the PostHope.org page that my wife and I created last year when Jackson was in the NICU. This is the first time these words have been shared publicly as our Post Hope page was password protected and only shared with family, friends and coworkers.

After coming home from the Good Samaritan Hospital Neonatal Intensive Care Unit on June 2, having a ventilator removed and breathing on his own for more than 29 hours, our firstborn child Jackson gained his baby angel wings on Sunday, June 3, the 31st day of his life.

In true form, Jackson fought until the very end until his body could no longer properly oxygenate and his heart stopped beating at 7:18 p.m.

From Saturday night into Sunday morning, Nikki and I revived Jackson about nine times, whenever his oxygen saturation level would dip below 70 percent on his pulse oximetry monitor.

As time went on, his dips were becoming more and more frequent. We were doing everything that we could to snap him out of these spells, including chest compressions and infant CPR. Each time he managed to come back; however, there were several incidences where we thought he was at the end.

At noon on Sunday, a palliative care nurse from Starshine came to our house to check on us and see how Jackson was doing. She arrived during one of the times Nikki and I were reviving Jackson and she immediately began to tear up when she saw the scene of us desperately trying to keep him alive.

She told us that putting ourselves through Hell to keep Jackson alive is not comfort care. She suggested that we take Jackson off the monitor and just simply enjoy our time with him.

While we were initially hesitant to take him off the monitor, after a couple more revival episodes, Nikki and I agreed that it would be best for Jackson if we removed every wire off of him – the pulse oximetry monitor and the oxygen nasal cannula – and just let him enjoy his time free of cords. He finally had nothing on his beautiful face!

During his remaining hours, Nikki and I took Jackson outside on a gorgeous warm sunny day. Holding him in our arms, we took him first to our backyard deck and then to our front porch. You could tell he was truly enjoying the sunshine and looked so much at peace whenever the breeze touched his face. It was truly a moment neither one of us will ever forget.

After having Jackson outside for a while, we brought him upstairs to our bedroom and just laid in bed with him for an extended period of time. Once Nikki and I started to doze off, we decided to bring Jackson back downstairs and sit with him on the couch where he ended up taking his final breaths a couple hours later.

To give you an accurate picture of how life was like for Jackson, Nikki and me during the time Jackson was home, watch this 2009 video produced by the Dallas Morning News called “Choosing Thomas — Inside a family’s decision to let their son live, if only for a brief time.”

Nikki and I are truly devastated by the tremendous loss of our firstborn child. There have been more tears shed in the last couple days than at any other time in our lives. This is something we will never get over; it’s something we just hope to learn to live with.

Nikki and I are comforted in knowing that Jackson is now in a much better place. He’s with his grandpa (my dad) in Heaven, along with his great grandparents and other relatives. He will never have to go through another medical procedure and he will no longer be held back by an evil chromosome disorder.

We have no regrets with our decision to bring Jackson home on comfort care, rather than send him to Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center where he was facing a year-long hospital stay. Looking back on it now, it seems unlikely to think Jackson would have been able to survive that long, regardless if he was in the hospital.

The fact that Jackson was able to live 31 days and spend his last moments with his family at his house is a huge blessing to Nikki and I. He defeated so many odds that we will always refer to Jackson as “our little fighter.”

Contribute to the Good Sam NICU
Donations in memory of Jackson Geiser can be made to the Good Samaritan Hospital Neonatal Intensive Care Unit online at bit.ly/InMemoryofJackson or by calling 513-862-3742.

Click here to view Jackson’s obituary published June 6, 2018, in The Cincinnati Enquirer.